My wife's depression
Hi again all Jackie's having a real hard time at the moment with her depression. I just don't know how to help her. She says the morning's are the worst - especially when the weather is disgusting. She got diagnosed with SAD a few years back, but still seems to suffer depression when she gets really really stressed. She says that it feels like someone has their hand over her eyes and she can't see the world properly. What can I say to her to make her feel a little more confident. She's been through depression (more severly than this episode) before and coped, but she's not that confident that she's going to get better this time. I feel quite sad that she's so down. What do you think I can do to cheer her up a bit ?? AndyDoes she eat either a lot of fish? Cod Liver Oil? Or Linseed? It is more effective than prozac and natural. You only need one of the above. (charles vald) If linseed take with fluid or in say cereal or a salad. A tablespoon should be enough. (charles vald)Andy I can relate to the SAD - it is an awful thing. There are light boxes for sale that increase your time exposed to light which can really help through the darker months of the year. I have not tried these myself as our finances are dire but if you can afford one it may be worth a go? Otherwise do what I am sure you are always doing any how and encourage her gently, remind her constantly how great she is at so many things , how well she has done before which shows she can do it. Make the mornings as easy as possible for her to help her through those times. Is there any help / support she can get from any local groups / GP referral to support groups / cognitive behavioural therapy / NLP etc;?? I agree with Charles on the Fish Oils - I do not eat any seafood so take Omega 3 for nearly a year now and that has helped a lot. :) So sorry to hear of this and you must take care of you also as it is not easy living with someone who is unwell a lot. Please take time for you also. Can she get involved in any actitvities? Physical excersise helps with mental health also - although it is often hard to summon up the enthusiasm in the first place. Animals, I see you are involved in rescue, can be a great source of comfort and reassurance. Yoga is supposed to be very good for stres / anxiety and depression and maybe some classes or CD's in relaxation that she can use on a regular basis. I do hope Angela can make it through the winter OK - I am sure with your help and support she can. Take care. (Purple) Andy In the past I suffered a lot from depression . . . I have always tried to manage alone fighting the battle . . . Some things that have helped me are: Putting together a collage / collection of things that make me smile, make me feel happy . . . pictures - cartoons, drawings by my children, photographs, positive words and so on . . . all very personnal to me . . . I placed this in a prominent position, a place that I go often during the course of the day to give me a boost; Positive thinking . . . this can seem quite intimidating but it really works . . . it can be as simple as waking up and taking a few moments to come around and affirming that 'today will be a good day' . . . but it can run deeper than this . . . there are some good books on the subject; Walking . . . I go out for a walk no matter what the weather is like . . . the sun is really positive and energising, but really no matter what the weather all of nature's 'moods' have something to share . . . from gentle rain . . . cleansing . . . washing away all that isn't needed . . . to the crisp beauty of a winter's day . . . frosts sparkling like a myriad of jewels . . . snow that covers all in a blanket of purity and light . . . even murky days which haven't decided what way they are going . . . rain or shine . . . they are days of reflection . . . the joy comes just to see a single ray of sunshine break through the cloud, or a rainbow!; Reiki has helped me immensely . . . it is only in hindsight though that I can see the difference this has made in my life . . . it is very subtle . . . yet so profound . . . everything happens at a pace that is right for the individual being healed. These are just a few things, off the top of my head . . . hope something here will help your wife . . . :) Blue Fairy x (Blue Fairy)Cheers for all those great suggestions. Firstly, yeah she does take Fish Oil every day - she takes, Fish Oils, Vitamin D, Vitamin B5 & 6, Evening Primrose oil, and Chelated Magnesium. As well as that she's on AD's too. What's happened as far as I can make out is she's been stressing so much over the past few weeks (about me being stressed, and my father picking on her at several occasions when we go to visit and for instance, my mother wants me to do something for her, he takes the opportunity for a dig which my mother has a go at him for, but he's a bit ignorant and stuck in his old ways to change, plus we're going on holiday with them next week and that's been making her worse). She says that she feels bullied by him (which I do try and sort out, and have promised to protect her from) but she's still worrying. We also live with her mother (because finances don't stretch to living on our own) and her mother nags at her constantly all day. I come home and Jackie's just so distraught. Plus she hates it when the Summer ends - she just completely crumbles when she thinks the sun is going and the thought of Christmas is round the corner . She dreads Christmas. When she was a kid she had depression over Christmas and didn't seek help from her doctor (as 20 years ago they just weren't interested in that type of thing). Its an association thing - the trigger for her is the end of Summer. :( Jackie can't get out much - she's disabled and can't walk about on her own for too long. The only time she gets out is when I take her out, which is usually all over the weekend. She's been coping amazingly - and when we went on holiday last time, she used crutches to get about, I was just so proud of her. But I just see my lovely wife, in pieces and it's breaking my heart because I can't do anything. She's usually the strong one who looks out for me. I want to help her so much. I'm going to keep my family away from the caravan I'm taking her too for as long as I can, so she can relax and have fun with me, and I just might bring some bits and pieces along so she can make a scrapbook (she's very creative usually and does cards and stuff) so I know she'll feel comfortable doing a scrapbook. Yeah I do take time out for myself - I have a great job which I really like and a supportive boss which helps too. She's only been like this since her dad died suddenly (she had 3 deaths - grandad, nan and dad) within 5 weeks of each other in 1997. She couldn't cope with losing her dad because she was "Daddy's girl" and adored her dad. That totally knocked her for 6. She only got over it a year or so ago. It was then she got PCOS (due to stress) which lead to diabetes. So in the past few years she's been through quite a bit. I think she's very brave indeed. I don't think I could have done it. When she's not depressed she's wonderful. Bubbly & funny (that's why I married her), I feel for her so much when she's down. Positive thinking - yeah I'll mention it gently to her, don't want to force the issue. Light box - yep we've got one of those - that's the first thing I'll pack for our break for her. Anyway, that's for all the help. It's given me a lot to go on. I'll also look into the Reiki one - a friend of mine mentioned it but as I didn't know anyone who'd done it I wasn't sure what to think about it. Andy (andyjturner) Gosh, what a time you are both having. I do feel so much for you both and three bereavements in that short time is too much for anyone to handle. The loss of her father particularly when they were so very close must just be awful. I dread the day when that happens to me :( I do not aggree totally in avoidance but sometimes there are certain things we need to avoid to stay well and I wonder if maybe this holiday is not a situation you repeat again? Just from the point of view that it is making her so very stressed and holidays don't need to be like that. I fully appreciate the money situation but is it not possible for just the two of you to go alone next time and not with relatives that cause this anguish? I have an incredibly difficult relationship with my mother and I avoid as many situations with her as possible. I know there are things that need to be accepted and dealt with in our relationship but I also feel that I only need to spend time on relationships that serve me well and not on those that actually make me unwell which has happened to me before. Can you avoid as many visits to your parents with her if your Dad is always going on at her? Or can you have a serious talk with your dad? As for the trigger you talk of we do all have these in many situations - there are some excellent NLP Techniques that deal directly with trigger points and anchors, as we call them. It is a shame I do not live near you I could help her with that if she wanted to. Do you have any NLP Practtioners near to you? It is a very powerful therapy. You are an absolutely marvelous husband to be looking after and caring for your wife in the ways that you do - feel very proud of that. I am sure she appreciates you very much :) Is there no more support because of her disability with others who can help her get out more? y local groups who can enable her to be poutside more and occupied rather than just when you can take her at the weekends? Your local Social Services Adult Disability Team should be able to advice. Keep your chin up best you can and let's hope it is not too bad a winter for you both. We are here to listen and support. Take care :D (Purple)stay with your wife and give her the best of everything dont let her fell that she is asbnormal tell her that she is or she can be normal take her to the best doctor if you can afford it that way you will be able to give her the best treatment (bluefin)Hi all Well we came back from the holiday at the weekend. Jackie actually enjoyed herself. Thankfully my mother had told my father to behave himself and to think before he said anything and he did for once. She seems quite a bit calmer at the moment - and she's sleeping a bit better too. I'm trying to give her as much encouragement to walk about as I can and get some more exercise as she says that she does feel slightly better when she exercises a little. NLP - I'm looking into that at the moment. Just got to save up a bit as my private health insurance doesn't start until July next year for both of us (due to me only being at my new job a year and it doesn't start until I've been there 18 months). So hopefully we can forge ahead with something when it starts properly. Our doctor has also been pretty good. He had a chat to her on Monday, and she asked to put her meds up a little so she could cope and he let her. She's agreed to only take it until Feb, then gradually come back down again. He also recommended that she get out in the fresh air a bit more. She she's been spending a lot of time outside for the last few days. Anyway, gotta dash at the mo, got work to do. Cheers for the support - you're all such a help :) Andy (andyjturner)I am so pleased that the holiday went well and well done to your MUm for speaking to Dad and to him for behaving himself! If he is given lots of praise and thanks for his marvellous behaviour and told how much easier it made life for you all then he may keep it up which would be great for your wife! Fingers crossed!!! (Purple)How are things this week Andy? (Purple)Hi Andy, I have been meaning to respond for ages to your post, but was concerned I would ramble on for ever and a day - so I'll try to keep it short! Firstly, big (((HUGS))) to the both of you - you as a loving, supportive partner and your wife for all that she is dealing with. You've been given lots of great advise already,but just a couple more ideas. I'm wondering what your wife's diet is like? You said about the supplements she is taking, but what about the food she eats and the amount of water she drinks a day? I would recommend a visit to a kinesiologist to diagnose any food intolerances and to check any mineral and vitamin deficiences. It feels to me that you wife has a lot going on in her mind and it needs to find a voice. Now sometimes that is really hard (believe it or not, I find it terribly hard to express myself in the spoken word!), but I have found my medium in the written word. I couldn't recommend enough that your wife begins keeping a journal - something secret, that even you don't read where she can write *everything* that is in her mind. I found this so helpful and therapeutic. She may not think of herself as a 'writer' but all she needs to do is move the pen across the paper and say everything that is in her head. Maybe she is creative in some other way - art, music, making things............ Also, she might consider something such as emotional therapy, counselling or emotional freedom technique (and of course NLP). NLP is wonderful, but I sense that it needs to be combined with something where she can be in a safe space to really be heard. Above all else, and I sense you do this, your wife needs to be validated. Who she is, right now, is perfect. *She* is perfect, whole and loveable. Just one thing, because this is something dh and I have talked a lot about....sometimes I just need to be heard, to be able to express my little fears or worries, but I DON'T WANT HIM TO FIX IT! Does that make sense? There is a difference in the way a man and a woman communicate - men like to fix things and offer solutions, women like to express their emotions. I'm not saying you *are* mr.fix it, but of course it is painful when we see our loved-ones suffering; we *want* to help! You said in your first post - 'what can I do to cheer her up', 'what can I say to make her more confident' - my heart goes out to you, Andy, but the harsh reality is that *nothing* you can do or say will change things - this is your wife's journey; you can go along for the ride, but she is ultimately in control of where she is going and she has to facilitate her own healing. I would sugest that your wife is a worrier and feels a strong sense of obligtion / expectation which is just too much for her to bear. NLP or hypnotherapy will help her get to the root of this so that healing can begin. Regarding the light issue; it is vital that she gets out (even to sit) for an hour a day, regardless of whether the sun is out or not. SHe will still be taking in UV light, which is essential for her wellbeing. Just exposing your hands and face for an hour a day will allow her body to generate the vitamin D that she needs. I would also highly recommend looking into St.Johns Wort as she weans herself off ADs - this will help with feelings of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) too. Little Jackie (I'm talking inner child here) needs some healing, and gently needs showing that a bully needs a victim................. with love to both of you wingsoflove (wingsoflove)You've been given lots of good advice. I think hypnosis/NLP is going to have the effect. I've taken a course which is available on CD from my instructor. It's called 7th Path. It's a self-hypnosis program that helps you release a lot of negative emotional energies. I believe that's the only way we become totally healthy. The website is www.hypnosiscenter.com. You might want to check it out. It really is a wonderful program and will have lasting results. Meanwhile, the topic came up about light therapy for SAD and it has been shown to be very effective. A less expensive way to increase Jackie's light is to put in full spectrum light bulbs in rooms in your house. They can make a big difference. St John's Wort is also very useful in mild depression. Good luck and God Bless. (mindweavers)
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