Why does life go dull?

Why is it, when I was a teenager, nothing bothered me - nothing in the slightest. I had a few girlfriends - everything seemed fine. I thought that being an adult wasn't as bad as some people made it out to be. It was only after turning 30 that my life suddenly started to become difficult. Things started creeping up on me - things that had happened in my informative years started to affect me, even though I was married (had been for a few years) - no kids - because my wife has PCOS and we are finding it difficult to conceive. Nothing really changed - I got a better job with more money - no more scraping money together to do things anymore. I've now turned into a happily married guy, with Generalised Anxiety Disorder - where the hell did that come from? Life seems dull compared to what it used to be. (I don't have depression - the wife gets that and it's different totally). Me and my wonderful wife, still do the things we enjoy - and are experiencing new things everyday - but life just doesn't seem to be as easy as when you're a teenager/in early twenties. Is it just me?? I don't feel that I've got any more responsibility, or that I've lost any responsibility. Don't know what's changed really. I know I'm a bit disappointed that we can't have kids just yet, as it's the "expected" thing to do according to my parents, but I can't see that making so much of a difference to me. Anyone got any advice that might shed some light?? BTW - just bought Charles' Stress and Tension CD - fingers crossed it might make me feel a whole lot better! AndyOh gdear you do sound in a sad state. I have had the last few years feeling very similar, although we have had money worries and have had several kids as we have adopted, fostered and given birth - we are bvery blessed. However as much as I counted my blessings I felt like some mid life crisis had come over me and I felt similar to you. I was actually diagnosed with early onset menopause which ex-lained a lot of it last year but despite HRt and natural supplements I still have my 'days' like this. I have recently brough a self esteem cd and am listening to that daily and hope that this will help me and cheer me up. I just want to be happy and accepting of my lot and not allow myself to get miserable so often. I am working hard on it. I do hope things get better for you too. I hope the CD works for you. I am also reading an E book which is very enlighteneing and powerul stuff about a chap who got hinself in arutt and then got himself back out again with a lot of positive thinking. I am finding this very useful. I would be happy to email it to you. It's completely free. Just let me know. allyng@tiscali.co.uk (Purple)

Hi there Andy and Purple I'm sorry to hear you are feeling sad. We all at times think what is it all about. Andy I must stress to you that just because your wife has depression it does mean you can't be depressed as well. There is not one way to have depression. Depression comes in many ways not just one. I would say you and your wife are having a hard time with people thinking that the normal thing is to have babies. Well really what you should think of is how your relationship can cheer up a little even without kids. There is so much we don't do in our lifes that we put off for some reason or other. Go have fun, live life to the full. Roll down the steep hill, swing on the swings live like a kid again for a day and see if you still feel sad. I think we at some stage in our lifes go so dull and boring. We forget how to live. Let people look at you and say boy that is one big kid. I think once we come a certain age we think can't do that I will look silly if I do. I encourage my hubby to do all those silly things. I even got him to have a go last week on a bouncy slide. With myself not being able to do the things I once did. I make my family do them all, that way I get to watch and smile. I bet if you started to write down all the things that you would like to do again that you once did when you were younger you would be busy for a few days. Have fun hon. Go for it. Get yourself a little drop of St John's wort and you will start to feel on the up again. What I will say to you is, life is not easy sometimes but remember you are the one who can change it. Don't wait for it to be changed. Please don't play the waiting game as I call it. YOu know that feeling something good might happen tomorrow make it happen today have fun fun fun. I wish i had have before it was to late. God bless Summer (Summer)

I think that life has its peaks and troughs. Thing is you get a little wiser to this cycle as you get older. You begin to realise that as soon as things start going your way and that you are happy, something is going to happen to even things out, ie something not so great is going to happen. That may seem a little pessimistic, but that's what normally happens to me. So, I am always a bit cautious as to what is going to happen next! You have to try not to focus on this, perhaps think the other way round - something bad happened so now something good is about to happen :) I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been able to have children yet, if you want them. My boy friend's good friends were unable to have children, but last Christmas they adopted a beautiful baby girl from China. She is absolutely adorable!!! So, if it's what you really want, there are possibilities out there to explore. Just do what makes you happy and don't do what others expect you to do. I think trying to live upto someone else's expectation causes more stress than just doing your own thing. Perhaps try something completely new that you haven't tried before, something exhilarating like sailing. I hope you feel happier soon. (Izzy)


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